Question by Nikki G: Actions speak louder than words – I am so underappreciated!?
If everything you said to your spouse went in one ear and out the other and you were tired of their actions but didnt want to divorce them, just wanted them to listen to you, appreciate you and treat you with respect; how would you show them how you feel?
For Example: (my life)
My husband and I were out of employment for about a year and we have gotten really far behind on bills. I got a job at a call center after I had my baby and he wants me to quit! I only work 16 hours a week at $ 10 hour. We have 4 kids – 3 months, 3 1/2, 5 and 7 1/2. We also own our own business but we just barely started getting any business. it is still very slow. My husband is very lazy and will find any excuse possible why he shouldnt get a job. “If we get this many customers, we wont have to work for anyone else” or ” We would be just wasting our time at a job when we could be spending that time on our business” when he actually means that I can be spending that time on our business.
The problem is I am the only one who will get out there and advertise and campaign for our business. He thinks that he will get turned down because he is a black man. We are $ 2000 behind in rent and he made a deal that he was going to paint our landlords house for $ 15 hr to try to catch up when we didnt have any customers or when I wasnt at work, but he has only showed up for 2 days and only for a total of 5 or 6 hours. that was last week. We are $ 1000 behind in 1 vehicle, which is in repo, and $ 1400 behind in another, which is in repo, not to mention our regular monthly bills.
I work a PT job – no appreciation
I find local agencies to help out with the utilities that we cant pay – no thanks from him
I clean the house spotless including windows, baseboards, ceiling fans, walls, etc, do laundry and cook daily (all before I go to work) – no appreciation from him – and he doesnt even keep it clean so it is filthy when i get off of work
I do all the grocery shopping and watch all the kids until i have to go to work – no thanks from him
I advertise and campaign for our business and clean houses for extra money – he says that is what I am supposed to do!
Not to mention the new 3 month old baby that I also breastfeed. I take the kids to church and if i go anywhere they come with me. I enforce the rules with my kids and give them the love and attention they need and deserve while he does nothing as far as interacting with them.
We have a contract with my mother to do her lawn and she paid us before services to do her lawn including bushes and flowerbed, mowing and weedeating and blowing. I do all of this every week myself both front and back yard and sometimes i have to do it with the baby in a carrier on my chest!
How do I show him that this behavior from him has to change and that i dont appreciate it? He is also very mean and disrespectful to me even in front of the kids, and it even gets worse when he starts to drink. I love my husband (for better or for worse) and I dont want to divorce him but he wont listen to how i feel and he always tries to flip the script when he is tired of my complaining and nagging. HELP ME PLEASE!

Best answer:

Answer by SandyToes
Tell your husband to step up and BE A MAN. It’s his job to provide for his family. He didn’t have a problem making those babies with you, now it’s time to feed and clothe them. Tell him to stop being a lazy jackass and get off his ass and work.

Kudos to you for stepping up and taking on a job when you have a sweet little baby at home. Honestly, you deserve better. If he’s not going to change you might as well ditch him, you could do better on your own. Why support a bum?

Also apply for WIC since you have little ones at home. It will help you with food.

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