Am I overreacting by being seriously annoyed with my wife?
She was complaining that something happened to her vision when 5 hours ago she figured out she had her contacts in the wrong eyes- but says she is too tired to fix them or take them out, so she just left them in the wrong eyes.
She leaves her phone battery get so low that the phone keeps beeping with the low battery alert and leaves it doing that for hours and hours.
She demanded that I go to the grocery store to get her something to eat earlier, so I went all the way there, got her stuff and when I got home she was asleep and doesn’t want it anymore…
We have a new baby and she demanded I come with to Sears for them, so I got home early from work to go, the baby wasn’t fed and was crying through it all… She brought a bottle with formula in it for the baby, and a bottle of water to mix it with… The formula bottle had a hole in it and leaked all over the studio and the water she brought was from the cooler and was too cold for the baby to drink anyway…
Also she doesn’t seem to understand that a men don’t enjoy dressing babies up in funny little outfits and going gaga over it in the picture studio.
We used to get along good, but ever since we had the baby a month ago I can barely stand her… I am the only one working in our household right now, trying to support her, her adult son, our new baby and myself all on what was 35k per year so I am working 10 and 12 hour days trying to get business to pick up, yet the minute I walk in the door before I can even take off my shoes she assaults me with lists of things to do… I am really about to lose it here…
Oops, missed part of the Sears thing above. She wanted me to go to Sears to have pictures taken of the baby.
sounds like she is over whelmed, a new baby is a lot of work.. sounds like she stays home all day to take care of the baby…just be patient,things will straighten out..your a good hubby to help and go get pictures taken, when you your self where tired…
That does seem a little anoyying but you have to remember that she just had a child a month ago and although she may seem demanding now after a while…once the baby gets settled in she will be her normal loving self again…at least i hope
YOu should sit down and have a serious talk with her and let her know how stressful it is to work all day and then come home to a list of things to do. But when you do talk to her please dont tell her she doesn’t do anything all day because having a young baby is very exhausting for us mothers and just because she’s not technically “working”…she really is. Just let her know you appreciate what she does as a wife and a mother but that you also need to be able to put your feet up and relax. As for the cell phone thing…If its that annoying plug it in for her. Maybe she’ll appreciate that more than you saying “PLUG IN YOUR CELL PHONE!IT’S SO ANNOYING WHEN YOU WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE TO CHARGE IT”…I really urge you to take this advice..
you have a right to be annoyed. but give her time, things will get better. i know you work hard and long hours, but shes getting little or no sleep right no. try to be patient with her.
it sounds like your wife might have post-natal depression. if she does, then she is going to be going through some very hard things herself. new babies are hard for everyone in a house. your wife will be exhausted, and sad, and may be second-guessing herself on a lot of things. although it is hard for you, i would suggest you try to have some patience with her if you can. the first few months will be the worst, but if you want to have a lasting marriage, and for things to get back on track, you need to try to understand what your wife is going through. it will be hard for both of you, but if you overreact now it will just make things harder for both of you.
I am glad you mentioned the “Sears to have pictures taken of the baby” – she crossed the line right there!
your not over reacting your just stressed out and TIRED!
but then again you did just have a baby spend time with the baby..and tell your wife that she might need to get a job during nights or something part-times job will atleast help alot..and her adult son if he is over 19 i think its time for him to atleast pay a little rent or maybe a light bill for once…or to move out.
remember you cant have a relationship that goes one way..
seems like its her way or the high-way and it cant be like that talk to her and tell her that you want atleast to relax alittle bit after work and that you cant really do that when she is assaulting you about everything..im sure you dont do that to her and brag and yell her and call her any names like a bum or crazy =]
those are just a few..but i really hope this helps out..
well, as a mother of 3 i would say u have a lousy wife, especially if she already has had one child before. in my understanding if a husband is the only one working wife should take care of everything inside the house, so hubby comes home into a clean house, kids re fed and quiet and hot, freshly made dinner is on the table. that’s why we have happy marriage and no problems at all – each makes sure he fulfills his part – him being a protector and a provider and me being a home maker. plus i want to say i was a home maker even when i worked – just needed to get up earlier to clean and go to bed later to cook for the next day
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having a baby is no excuse to become careless…there’s no reason for you to handle everything without her help.. talk with her and for whatever reason she’s being that way see if there’s anything you can help.. which as far as this goes you already do everything..
don’t let it become a habit where you to cater to her and still takes care of everything…
Just wait it out a little since it has only been a month since the baby was born.
However you need to have your space also when you come home from 12hr days. I know taking care of a baby is hard but if she is home all day long and her adult son is there too and he can help out then she should be able to relax and so should you.
try to get her son to help out.
Get her Mom to come over and help.
I would first be worried something could be medically wrong with your wife.
Her actions sound not like her being lazy but complete exhaustion.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome, and when i tell you when the exhaustion hits me, I can hardly lift my head from the pillow.
A new mother does not normally act this way!!! and I would say if she is checked out by the doctors and they find nothing psychically wrong~ she should discuss mental. Her hormones are way out of wack~
if she is depressed, this too will be making her so tired she cant function in a normal way.
You need to go to the doctor with her~ leave your baby with someone~ so just the 2 of you can go to the drs. Make sure you tell the doctor everything you have written here. Its VERY important!!!
Your wife is not acting her normal self…and its something since the baby im guessing. A female body goes through a LOT of changes!!!
Maybe you should go to your primary doctor and your wifes OB GYN too.
good luck to both of you, and i think if you hang in there and pursue this course~ your going to be able to get your wife better.
Yes you are overreacting. She had a baby a month ago. Her hormones are out of whack and she is exhausted. You knew how much money you make when she got pregnant. Why does it surprise you when it’s more difficult to make ends meet? Why isn’t her adult son working? He needs to get off his butt and get a job, or at the very least help out around the house. I don’t imagine it would go over too well with your wife to tell him to get to work or get out, but at least have a talk with your wife about that. I know you’re having a rough time, but getting all pissy at her isn’t going to make it better.
Having a baby is a major life change to you both. But can still be done. Don’t try to logically fool yourself, both of you need to be considerate of each other. Parenting is one of the hardest things in the world to do. You need to talk about it together. My husband went through the same thing, but unlike your wife I was on active duty in the Marine Corps. I didn’t know it at the time but baby number two was in my belly a month after the first one was born. Can you imagine having two babies now? The most important thing to remember is to keep a daily routine going. Remember it is always okay when you feel stressed out to put the baby back in the crib to keep it safe, while you take a short time out. I found that giving the baby a warm bath helps to make it feel better too, or even just talking to your baby makes it feel better.
Sounds to me like she is depressed. May be post-partum depression. I am saying this as a married mother of 2. (12 and 2) Research it. She needs to get out away from you and the baby and do something she enjoys. Let her go out or have a complete break from all responsibilities for the entire day. When you come home from your 10-12 hour long day at work, do you give her a break from her long 10-12 hour day? She needs a break too. Her job is not easy. Neither is yours. Being that she is annoying you and you are about to lose it, maybe you should: a. research post-partum just to see if this is what your wife may be dealing with. b. put her first for a week. think of the things that SHE may dealing with. c. Try to share the responsibility. d. Last but not least, COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS WITH HER. BE OPEN. (ITS IMPORTANT TO KEEP YOU TWO TOGETHER) GOOD LUCK
I would say to sit down and talk to her about your concerns before you do lose your cool.Tell her you are providing for the family and when you get home its time to take a rest.Sounds like she may have a little depression going on too. The water for the bottle is a click, she has to know it has to be warm.Tell her adult son to do the list of things she has planned for you to do.Expecially if he is not working .She won’t know how you feel unless you explain it to her, and set forth your expectations.
yes you are annoyed… but you also need to understand that she just gave birth to your child. and you know what.. if anyone needs to be annoyed. is her! so quit being selfish and give her a hand! i see that you do what she wants… but be patient… be there. and dont let your annoyence get the best of you.
I know that when our daughter was born I annoyed my husband. She is probably still sore and exhausted. Having a baby takes a lot out of you. It will get better once the baby get a little older. Mine is now 9 mos and the only thing i ask for my husband to do is get something that is either right by him or if i am busy with the baby to get up and get it myself. I would just give it time it will get easier. It took me about 3 months to start getting my body back..
You are not overracting, sit down with your wife and tell her that you are more than willing to help out but she has to do her part too. It will get better once she gets into the routine.
Sounds like Postpartum Depression to me… Been there, done that. Have patience and understanding but most importantly… GET HELP! She may not necessarily need medication but maybe some counseling. It sounds like she is a new mom all over again, with an adult son. It is very hard, perhaps she is feeling inadequate. Don’t dwell on the negative but don’t let her push you around either. Don’t pretend everything is fine but don’t blame her for everything. Remember it is your child too. Maybe take one of the midnight feedings if baby is not nursing. It is a good time to create a bond. I can recommend a great book if the baby is not on a somewhat regular sleeping/eating schedule: On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. Even if you don’t do everything suggested (I didn’t do everything), your wife will at least feel better about herself and not feel as inadequate.
I am speaking from personal experience. Thankfully, I have a very supportive husband who loves me and our children very much. Just think if you can make it through this trial, you can probably make it through just about anything.
First of all, coming from experience, DON’T throw up the “I’m the only one working” thing. Definately the wrong thing to say. I understand the frustration of having her adult son there. He needs to either get a job or get out. But about her and the baby…Honey, she’s so overwhelmed she can’t see straight right now (and no pun intended about the contacts!) She seriously probably doesn’t even know what SHE wants or needs. And even if you don’t enjoy dressing up a baby and doing the gaga things, it’s YOUR child too. Do you truly think she enjoys changing crappy diapers and listening to crying and screaming all day? No. But that’s part of marriage and having a child. You take on responsibilites and duties that you don’t always want but have. I’m so proud of you for going to the store for her, etc. Please…DON’T STOP. She needs you so badly right now and again, probably doesn’t even realize how much. Maybe you should both put the baby to bed early one night, kick the adult son out, and sit down with a glass of wine and just talk. Not argue, accuse, blame…just talk. You have to do this together…that baby needs a family, not a single parent.
I can see where her actions could be taken as very annoying but I want to give you a couple of things to consider.
1. It can take many months before her hormone levels level out. This is not something she has control over. If she’s suffering from any kind no matter how slight of post-pardon depression it can take longer or it may need to be treated with medications to help her levels regulate back to normal.
2. She just gave birth 1 month ago so she’s suffering from lack of sleep. Disruption of regular patterns can have a huge affect on ones ability to focus, make good judgments, mood changes, etc. The list goes on. She is also physically tired from delivery and then caring for the child all day.
3. If she has an older child I’m assuming here she’s older herself. Her age can be another factor that is contributing to her stress level, restlessness, tired, etc.
I don’t want to make it sound like what you do and the hours you put in don’t make you feel any less exhausted than you do, however dealing with the demands of a newborn really take a toll on a mom’s ability to recoup from delivering a child. What might help her is to get someone to help out from time to time. I really understand the financial limitations of this suggestion, however if you have any family and friends that might be able to help out for a couple of weeks take it upon yourself to talk to them and make some arrangements. Having someone help prepare a few meals, do laundry, watch the baby so she can nap would go a long way in helping her not to be so exhausted and thus hopefully improve the situation between the two of you. Also expressing to her that you understand she’s been through a lot and needs your support will help. Maybe pick a time when the baby is asleep to sit down and talk about exhausted you are as well and it maybe necessary to accept that not all things will get done until you both are getting good sleep and the babies a little older. I hope this helps you understand what she might be going through right now. It may seem silly to you for her to request something from the store and then not want it because she fell asleep but that example shows me just how tired and exhausted she really is. Welcome to the world of parenting.
I wont say your over-reacting…she’s being very hard to live with…but at same time its only been a month since she had baby….she’s still trying to get her hormones in check…..if in 3-4 months time she’s still acting like this there is a problem..not saying she’s being right…but she’s just being hormonal..stick it out a lil bit longer. if she wasn’t anything like this before…then ya..try and be patient…
I dont care if she just had a baby that us annoying as hell. My sister is similar to that and I had to mov out she drove me crazy, she had these birth control pad things that use to alarm for hours just so she could remember to take her stupid pills.
You need to talk to your wife and let her know how you feel.
Also her adult son should be working (I mean if he is not in college or something). You need to put your foot down. He needs to contribute to the bills or something.
you have to tell her… she has to get a hold of herself a little.. because being so emotionally distraught and irritable is not good for her you or the baby..
she needs to be more organized.., and she cannot demand that u do something and then u do it and she does not want it or appreciate it after.. u have your own schedule to worry about
let her know that u are working hard.. u are under alot of pressure right now with the bad economy.. and u need some more peace of mind to focus on making more money.
so tell her to be more patient… and keep it together
i think its not annoying!and your wife is very slow how to be a mother of the kid,she must understand that your working she must have some special care to you when you get home.talk to her and tell her the thing
you dont like to do,and let her to understand,