How do I have a mature discussion with my white dad and asian mom on their marriage degrading me as a eurasian?
Question by Mikey: How do I have a mature discussion with my white dad and asian mom on their marriage degrading me as a eurasian?
How do I have a mature discussion with my white dad and asian mom on their marriage degrading me as a eurasian
So I JUST had a huge fight with my parents. IDK they’re not bad people as individuals, they’ve generally been good to me personally, although I have plenty of major complaints on the individual level. Generally I would not tar them with the brush I would apply to modern 21st century wm/af relationships, since they come from an earlier time, and they met through a rather “conventional” method of mutual friends, and not war-bride or Asian night or anything like that. On the other hand when I really press them on the issue they use some wm/af language that would make me lump them in with the rest. For example my mom actually had the gall, to defend herself by saying she has tons of friend and relatives married to white guys and even mentioned Amy Chua the Tiger mom! None of their offspring complain.
I must admit it is very cathartic to just lash out at my parents and be a total ahole about it. I don’t feel guilty since I’m attacking wm/af at the root- my own parents. They are the only wm/afs I can attack, I mean I could catcall couples on the streets, and I’m a pretty big guy so I probably could hand most wms like that, but thats not my game.
Look I admit I’m a terrible son. But my parents brought this on themselves. My dad tries to play Freud with me. And my mom calls her decision to immigrated to the USA and marry a white man- “her personal free choice and none of my business”. Hello! I’m born of that business.
What a horrid existence. My genes make me an Asian male, and I’ve never been treated as anything but an asian male. I used to have brown hair and more euro features but ive mongolized with age. Occasionally people will think I’m hispanic or some weird mix. Its weird, I was brought up entirely with my dad’s relatives, and can’t even speak my mom’s native language. Basically a white boy in an asian’s body, which I think made me all the more sensitive to any racism. In the abstract, I’m not any racial purist, if we all become one big gray race, so much the better. One big rainbow. But in the reality of 2011 America, interracial relations isn’t some multicultural utopia, but based on power relations, and theres nothing more emasculating to an Asian man. I don’t even find Asian females attractive, feels to incestus to me. But obvious when white chicks at the top of the racial totem pole, see that Asian males are at the bottom- wamo!
IDK my parents aren’t that bad people. Some specific complaints are my mom’s hypocritical claims to her asianness (kind of like amy chua), my dad attempting to psychoanalzye me instead of taking my complaints seriously, and them just dismissing my position when neither of them are asian males and have no first-hand experience. I think parents in general deserve to be attacked by their children, since the world is a crappy place, and children have the right to challenge those who cursed them with birth. But in my specific circumstance, my parents are an embodiment of what affects me personally as the worst evil on earth- the emasculation of asian men- like me.
I’m ranting cause I just got out of a big fight with them. But any advice or feedback would be most appreciated.
Urbandictionary sums the dilemma up perfectly:
Hapas male often have trouble when they become teenagers. In fact, asian women that married white men did so because they preferred white men and even though there is nothing wrong with it, it still creates a problem because an hapa male is still an asian male in our society, especially in the eyes of white people.
Growing up as a hapa male, you understand that your mother is like those asian american women going for white men and your dad, well, a white man having a yellow fever. Therefore, being a hapa male is often being a contradiction in the sense that you are exactly what your parents were against: an asian men. White man with yellow fever: I love asian women and I’m glad there are asian women like your mother that like better us white men than you asian men.
Hapa male: I guess you’re right
You say that this is all about my “feeeeelings”, and yes I am ANGRY at my parents, BUT for empirical, factual reasons. I do my best to de-personalize the conflict, to say that my parents represent what I hate, but are not what I hate. But since my parents do choose to psycholgize and personalize it about my personal problems and issues, and defend the most vulgar wm/af, then I have no choice but to attack them personally.
If the game of life is ultimately about nothing more than getting your selfish-gene passed on, then there are few worse places to be then an Asian-American male in 2011.
Best answer:
Answer by ?
Poor little Mickey. Your parents don’t owe you a thing. Personally, I stopped reading about half way into it. I got tired of the my life sucks and it is all my parents fault sh*t. If you don’t like it then move out on your own. Your acting like a 3yr old baby throwing a temper tantrum.
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