I can justify cutting off contact with my mother?
Question by megansmom112902: I can justify cutting off contact with my mother?
My mother has always suffered from emotional issues that stem from childhood and abuse from my father before I was born. Instead of getting help for her issues, (therapy, medications, etc.) I feel she took it out on me. Not only did she push and slap me a lot, but she made me feel bad about myself, and constantly started fights with me. My parents fought a lot and if I reacted to it, I was punished for not “minding my own business”. In addition to that, my father would spank me with a wooden dowel rod and once I got older and it didn’t hurt as much he would sometimes spank me to the point of breaking the rod and causing welts that would sometimes bleed. This occurred until I was 14 years old.
I was also very sheltered as a child, and home schooling made it almost impossible to have a social life, and I was very different than my peers.
Two years ago while going through therapy I decided to confront my parents about my past. I talked about their arguing, and how I felt their “punishments” were abuse. I told them that I wasn’t looking for an apology, but that I needed them to know how their choices had impacted me. The acted shocked and said they had no idea I felt this way. I considered my confrontation a success, and my relationship with them didn’t seem to get any worse.
Since then my mother has changed a lot. She is more pushy, anxious, demanding and rude than she used to be. My children started telling me when they are being babysat by my parents that they argue in front of them. I immediately addressed the situation, but it didn’t seem to get better.
This past Christmas my parents were not getting along and I asked my mom to not involve me in their problems. I couldn’t help but be surrounded by it as a child, but it wasn’t fair of them to involve me then, and it’s not fair now. My mom did not respect my wishes and continued to try to talk to me about her problems with my father. It was really upsetting and I contemplated stopping all contact with her. Instead I asked her for space, hoping things would change.
Then I found out I was having another baby. She wanted to be in contact constantly. She started buying supplies for the baby for her house (for when she babysat), even though I’m not sure I even want her to anymore. My best friend, who lives out of state offered to throw me a shower when she’s in town. When I told my mom this she flipped out. She had told me a long time ago that she didn’t want to be around my friend anymore since I had told my friend about my childhood. Since then the friend had moved and I had forgotten about it. My mom cannot afford to throw me a shower, and no one else is going to. So, my mom is not coming to my shower. She also had this to say about my past confrontation:
“It hurts me to the core that you believe you were abused as a child. I do not even know how to act around you any more. You do not understand how much you hurt me and I have a right to feel this way because everyone is entitled to their feelings”.
Every time I confront her about something she tells me that she gets really depressed and wishes she could die. She is still using guilt to control me and turning things around on me all the time. She causes me so much stress, and I have my own family to take care of now.
Can I justify cutting off contact with her?
Best answer:
Answer by Arif Ahmed
Omg i cant read this stuff
What do you think? Answer below!
